


Truth Or Lie

by Zoe13



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst/Romance, M/M, Self-Harm, Zerrie engagement, sad!Niall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-22
Updated: 2013-08-22
Packaged: 2017-12-24 06:54:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/936727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoe13/pseuds/Zoe13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Niall hears that Zayn and Perrie are getting married, he's devastated. Why did Zayn lie and say he didn't love Perrie?</p><p>Zayn is frustrated that he can't get a chance to explain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Truth Or Lie

It's not a dull ache, it's a burn. Niall's never known heart break before, and the feeling seems like it's going to eat him up inside. When he was young, he'd dated a few girls, but none of his break ups hurt. He'd had one boyfriend before X-Factor, but that break up only hurt because Phil didn't want anything to do with him afterwards. 

This, though. This hurts like nothing ever had. It hurts more than when his parents had separated, more than when he thought he was off the X-Factor. It's a burn that starts in his chest and numbs his mind. 

Or maybe that's the alcohol. Despite the jokes, he hasn't been drunk in a while. Tipsy, maybe, but not this drunk. But now it's Wednesday and he's been getting drunk every night ever since Sunday, even though it doesn't help. 

So, Zayn didn't love him, loved Perrie, and had lied to him. He'd liedliedlied. He'd told them that he didn't love Perrie, that they weren't even close friends, but now they were getting married and Zayn would never be Niall's even though Niall would always be his, whether he knew it or not. 

He hasn't really seen Zayn since the big announcement. He's avoided him like the plague, desperate to keep him from seeing the heartache in his eyes. He's always been a little scared of Zayn finding out he loves him, but now he's terrified of it. 

The beer in his hand is cheap and disgusting, and right now he feels just like it. With a broken cry he hurls it at the wall, bursting into tears as it shatters. 

Zayn lied. 

Niall walks over to the shattered glass, sobbing as he picks up the pieces. It's sort of like picking up his own heart, except he's the one throwing the pieces away, and not Zayn, however unwittingly the older boy is doing it. 

Suddenly his hand stings and there's blood and he realizes he's been clutching the shattered pieces until they pierced his skin, and the leftover beer on them burns the cuts. And then he drops them all in the trash but one and sits down. He's feeling a little crazy and the sting is hurting more and more and the shard keeps slipping as the blood trickles from his cut hands, but he's got a goal in mind as he sets it to his wrist.

The first slit is shaky and too shallow and it doesn't even draw blood, but he leans his head against the wall and revels in the pain anyway. The second is deep, and he panics a bit as it parts and blood gushes out, but then he remembers everything and he doesn't really care. 

He doesn't want to die, he just needs the pain. 

He ignores the knock on his door thirteen slits later, and Liam enters. 

"Niall!" is the first word out of his mouth, as he locks the door and runs to Niall. Niall had the separate room tonight, and he's suddenly glad of that, hoping no one else will try to come in.

"Give it back!" he slurs, crying as Liam grabs the bloody piece of glass. His arm is fucked up and he's pressing his nails into the cuts on his hands and Liam is absolutely terrified. 

"Niall, stop it! What happened?"

Niall ignores him and lunges for the glass shard. Liam throws it into the trashcan and holds him back, tears raining down his own face. 

"Niall, talk to me," he begs, grasping Niall's arms. Blood flows through Liam's fingers where he's gripping Niall's right arm, but he doesn't seem to notice.

"He lied!" Niall sobs finally, and understanding dawns on Liam's face. Liam hasn't ever said anything, but Niall's always figured he knows that Niall's in love with Zayn. 

"I know, Niall, and I'm so sorry." Liam seems to break a little on Niall's account, and he pulls Niall close, hugging him tightly as they both cry on each other. 

"Why did he do it?" Niall asks finally.

"I don't know," Liam says; "but I'm going to kill him."

"Don't hurt him, Liam," Niall tells him. "Don't."

"But look at you, Niall! Look what he's done to you!"

"He didn't do this, Liam," Niall says. "I did."

Liam sets his jaw, looking angry. He finally gives in, however. "Fine. I won't hurt him. But I'm staying with you tonight."

"You can't- he's rooming with you. Please, just leave it. He'll get suspicious if you don't." Niall pulls back and Liam's face softens.

"Alright," he says quietly, pulling Niall up and sitting him down on the bed. "I'm going to bandage you up. I'll tell Paul you hurt yourself on some glass, and we'll get someone to play guitar tomorrow."

"Thank you, Liam," Niall says, little weakly. Liam sighs. 

"If you do this again, though, I won't hide it."

"I understand." Niall looks down at his wrecked hands, tears blurring his vision again. Liam gets the first aid kit from the bathroom and some wet towels and goes about cleaning the cuts and wrapping the gauze around them gently. 

"I'm going now. Sleep well, Niall." Liam turns in the doorway and waves, smiling weakly. "I'm sorry, Niall. I'm really, really sorry."

"Goodnight, Liam," Niall says tiredly, and Liam leaves. 

Niall plays his guitar until his fingers bleed, and he adds more gauze to the amount wrapped around his palms.   
. . . . . . . . . . 

Liam enters the hotel room he's sharing with Zayn slowly, his mind racing. Should he have promised to cover for Niall?   
He knows that the lost look in Niall's eyes had talked him into it, but he is determined not to let it go if it happens again. 

"Hey, Liam," Louis waves from the bed where he's sitting with Zayn. "Is that blood on your shirt? What happened?"

"Niall dropped a bottle and cut his hands trying to clean it up. I've bandaged him up."

"I'll tell Paul he can't play tomorrow," Louis says, slipping off the bed and out the door. Liam shuts the door behind him and strips down to his boxers, settling into bed.

"Does he need stitches? Did you wash his hands? Shouldn't he go to the hospital?" Zayn rushes out, looking extremely worried for someone willing to lie to his best friends. Liam remembers what Niall said just in time, and he stays in the bed instead of hitting the other boy.

"He's fine."

"Alright, if you're sure. Maybe I should go check on him."

"Don't!" Liam yells before he can help it. Zayn sits back, startled. "I mean, he's asleep now."

"Okay." 

"Goodnight."

"Liam?"

"What?" Liam grinds out, trying to erase the picture of Niall bleeding from his mind. 

"I've told Louis and Haz and I haven't been able to tell Niall yet, but there's something I have to tell you about me and Perrie," Zayn starts. Liam shoots up in bed.

"Don't," he warns lowly. "Just...don't."

"But-"

"Shut up!" Liam yells, and Zayn has the audacity to look hurt.

"...Alright," he says quietly. Liam settles back down. 

Zayn asks him a few more questions, but he pretends to be asleep.  
. . . . . . . . . . 

Niall wakes up with another hangover, and his arms burn. The first he hates, the second he likes, which scares him.   
Liam's there in minutes, giving him some painkillers and water, and Niall tries not to burst into tears again. 

Liam sits by him on the bed as he drinks, running his fingers through Niall's messy hair. When Niall finishes, he pulls him back and hugs him wordlessly. Niall doesn't cry then either, but he hugs him back just as tightly. 

Liam calls Paul and says that Niall's tired, and Paul tells him to let Niall rest until they need to head to the venue. They order room service, but Niall only eats a little under Liam's anxious gaze. He knows he'll have to face it, knows he'll have to talk to Zayn like they used to, but right now he just needs silence and Liam's quiet company. Liam seems to understand that, and he doesn't push it. 

When they get ready for the show, Niall keeps himself busy with makeup and dressing, and Zayn's attempts to talk to him all fail. He's not blind, he saw himself in the mirror and knows he looks like a wreck. 

Lou fusses over him and gives him knowing looks, but all she does is hug him tightly and tell him she's sorry. He cries a little at her understanding, and she doesn't say a word when she has to fix his makeup. 

During the show, he sits with Liam on the steps and wanders around the stage with Liam's arm on his shoulders. He smiles like he's supposed to and wonders if Liam will let him have any alcohol tonight. 

The chances of that are about zero.   
. . . . . . . . . . 

Niall's asked to be alone, and Liam leaves. He's worrying himself into a panic when he shuts the door behind him and comes face to face with Zayn's equally panicked-looking face.

"What's wrong with Niall?" he asks. 

Liam loses his shit. 

"What's wrong with Niall? Well I'll tell you, because he damn well won't since he doesn't 'want you hurt'!"

"What are you talking about?" Zayn demands fiercely. Liam gets right in his face, shaking with barely suppressed anger. 

"I'm talking about you lying to him! I'm talking about him being heartbroken because of you! I'm talking about yesterday when I walked in his room and found blood everywhere because he couldn't take your lies and ignorance! You broke his heart and lied to him, Zayn!"

Zayn steps back, eyes wide. "But-"

"You told him- you told him you didn't love her. And now he's in his room and he's a broken, fucking mess not just because you broke his heart but because you're the person he trusts most and you lied." Liam's voice cracks and he sounds vulnerable himself, the anger leaving him and disappointment taking it's place. 

"Li, just...please, let me explain," Zayn says, and something in his voice makes Liam look up and then nod curtly, giving in. 

"You have three minutes, Malik."

"Ever since Sunday I've been trying to tell you and Niall something vital to this. I've told Harry and Louis, but Niall avoided me and you wouldn't listen. I don't love Perrie."

Liam gaped. "Zayn! But you're getting fucking married!"

"We're not! A little while ago I went to management and told them I couldn't do it anymore. I didn't want to date Perrie, and there was...someone else. They finally agreed, but they wanted it to be big. So they decided to fake an engagement and then have us break it off completely." Zayn runs a hand over through his hair and Liam suddenly notices how much of a wreck he looks. 

"I-I'm sorry, Zayn," Liam says finally. "I should have known you hadn't- but then Niall freaked me out- and-"

"It's okay, Liam. I just don't know how to make it up to Niall."

"You have to explain, of course, and- oh, shit, this is still a mess because I just told you he's in love with you. Fuck."

"What?" Zayn apparently hadn't caught that part. His eyes widen again, but Liam sees something in them that calms him. 

"Oh. You love him too. I'd always thought that but then- oh, never mind. Go tell him."

"Now?"

"The sooner the better."

"Thank you, Li. I'm really sorry-"

"It's not your fault, Zayn. Now go see Niall." Liam leaves with a smile and Zayn turns to Niall's door, running a hand through his hair again and wondering how to go about this. He tries the handle and finds the door is unlocked. He opens it cautiously and peers into the room. 

The lights are on, and Niall is curled up on the floor. Zayn can hear him singing softly. There's gauze lying on the floor by him covered in old, dried blood. Zayn steps into the room and Niall jerks up, his face covered in tears and his eyes tired. 

"Zayn!" Niall lets out, grabbing the gauze and shoving it begins him. He reaches up, wiping his eyes and tries to crack a smile. Zayn's heart breaks a little. 

He steps forward and kneels by Niall, gently grasping his wrists. Niall flinches as he grasps his right arm, and Zayn reaches for his sleeve, pulling it back. 

The cuts are scabbed and definitely were deep, and Niall turns away as Zayn looks at them. Zayn reaches out a slender finger, lightly tracing each cut. There are tears in his own eyes as he touches Niall's chin and nudges his head upward. 

"Niall..."

"Why?" Niall asks, voice rasping. "Why did you lie to me?"

"I didn't, love, it's not real," Zayn says softly. "I wanted to break up with Perrie, but they wanted to make a scene with it. After she breaks it off in a few days, she and I are done for good."

"But you-you didn't say," Niall says. Zayn pulls him close, hugging him tightly.

"I tried," he tells him; "you wouldn't come near me after it happened. I'm sorry, Niall, I'm so, so sorry." He's all out crying on Niall, and Niall's crying on him, but he doesn't care. He just wants to fix it. 

"So in a few days, Perrie's gone?"

"Yes, Niall, she'll be gone. I've never loved her, and we're not even close friends, but I didn't really care about fake-dating her until-" he stops, suddenly feeling unsure. 

"Until?" Niall asks, pulling away, and the hope in his eyes gives Zayn all the courage he needs. 

"I fell in love with you, Niall, and I couldn't do it anymore, even if it wasn't real."

Niall looks right into his eyes as if to confirm it. "You- you love me?"

"Yes, Niall. I love you." 

Niall smiles widely and brilliantly, his tired eyes lighting up. "I love you too, Zayn."

Zayn's heart soars and he feels his body moving of it's own accord, his hands cupping Niall's face and pulling them together, their lips meeting. Niall's hands weave into his hair as the younger boy kisses him back fiercely, moving as close as he can. 

From the doorway, Liam smiles and leaves, neither of the two in the room hearing the door click shut behind him.


End file.
